Are Women Naturally Monogamous?

[This entry was initially posted to the original Red Keyhole blog on 28 March 2011.]

As this blog has repeatedly observed, a highly significant aspect of the rapidly mutating sexuality environment of today’s society – the one that most directly challenges the traditional constraints of capitalist morality – is the ever more widespread willingness of an increasing percentage of women to seek sexual relationships outside their marriage or other traditionally “committed” relationships with a male partner. Such alternative sexual behavior ranges from breaching the Infidelity taboo (so-called “cheating”) to polyamorous relationships, both hetero and bisexual, to lesbian relationships, to largely recreational-sex activities such as swinging, hotwifing, gangbanging, and a variety of other activities outside the prescribed morality norms.

In the view of Red Keyhole, much of what is driving today’s rapid changes in sexual behavior and lifestyle – and implicitly challenging the structure, norms, and expectations embodied in capitalism’s traditional monogamous-family-unit model – is the emergence of more assertive female sexuality and sexual needs.


Increasingly, more and more women are seeking sexual fulfillment outside the boundaries of monogamy – for example, experimenting and indulging in various forms of group sex.

Research is beginning to corroborate these trends, and to challenge the common assumption of capitalist morality that, while men may have an “urge to wander”, women are, instead, somehow inherently monogamous. An example of such research is the work of sexuality researcher Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity: Living in Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, “I’m Not Happy”. Langley contends that women’s “own natural, sexual impulses” drive them even more than men to seek other sexual relationships and modes of behavior – even if they’re in otherwise “happy”, “committed” relationships.

The following narrative has been excerpted from a media release originally posted on the Women’s Infidelity website (and is posted here for its informational value).

The original material has been slightly edited to improve readability.

Are Women Naturally Monogamous?

With women initiating approximately 70-75% of all divorces, Women’s Infidelity author Michelle Langley believes the answer is a resounding “no”. Langley contends women frequently pursue separations and divorces under the guise of “searching for self” … however, she states the real reason is often another man.

Langley says it’s not uncommon for women to be happily married prior to having affairs. She also states that many men are being divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives’ extramarital relationships.

Langley believes as a society we need to stop perpetuating the myth that females are naturally monogamous – because in today’s world, it is doing more harm than good. She asserts [that] in the past, prior to DNA testing, the monogamous myth was helpful in easing paternity insecurity in males. However, today, this erroneous belief keeps women from taking responsibility when they do cheat.

When women cheat, they typically put the blame on their husband. Langley believes women’s lack of knowledge about their own natural, sexual impulses makes them much more likely than men to leave their marriages, due to their sexual attractions and affairs. Again, studies prove currently women are initiating approximately 70-75% of all divorces.

Researching women’s sexual behavior has been Michelle Langley’s focus for almost a decade. She began an independent inquiry into the subject after a series of unrelated incidents sparked her interest.

Several years into her research, she was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women she interviewed. She categorized these patterns into “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with the loss of sexual desire.

Her book, Women’s Infidelity: Living in Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say, “I’m Not Happy” delves head on into this controversial subject matter and is available for purchase at http://www.womensinfidelity.com.