Infidelity 101 — More tips for women on how to “cheat” and not get caught

[This entry was initially posted to the original Red Keyhole blog on 25 March 2011.]

As this blog has previously noted, breaching the Infidelity taboo (often called “cheating” or “having an affair”) by women is a rapidly spreading mode of alternative sexual behavior, and definitely one of the most common violations of the traditional strictures of capitalist family structure morality, which attempt to mandate monogamous loyalty between husband and wife (or, more loosely, boyfriend and girlfriend).

A December 2010 posting in Red Keyhole elaborated on this issue:

One aspect of the very rapidly changing sexuality environment of modern society – challenging the traditional bounds of capitalist morality – is the increasingly more widespread willingness of many women to seek sexual relationships outside their marriage or other traditionally “committed” relationships with a male partner. In the prevalent capitalist morality system, when this is done surreptitiously, it is pilloried as “infidelity”, “betrayal”, “cheating” – but it probably reflects more deep-seated sexual needs, particularly on the part of many women. In effect, under the morality rules of capitalism, these women are “cuckolding” their husbands (or boyfriends, etc.) without their knowledge.

Much of what is driving these rapid changes in sexual behavior and lifestyle – implicitly challenging the structure, norms, and expectations embodied in capitalism’s traditional monogamous family unit – is the dynamics of more assertive female sexuality and sexual needs.

It’s important to point out that, while such secretive behavior as “cheating” is a betrayal of trust with a “committed” partner, and honesty in relationships is certainly preferable when possible, in the realities of today’s society and cultural norms, some people (especially women) must resort to deception, mainly out of desperation. (Issues such as children, financial security, etc. are involved.)


Increasingly, women in “committed” relationships (such as marriage) are turning to affairs (“cheating”) for sexual fulfillment.

How to breach the Infidelity taboo, and successfully maintain deception, is the focus of these excerpts from a question and response posted to the All Experts online sexual behavior discussion forum in April 2010, where a married woman asks advice about how engage in an extramarital affair with a willing male partner, a former boyfriend. The advice from the responding “expert”, Elise, appears competent, and may be helpful to others in similar circumstances.

Illustrating some of the psychological and emotional dynamics of “cheating” behavior, these excerpts are posted here for educational purposes. The original posting has been corrected for orthography and word use, and slightly edited for readability.

I’m about to cheat on my husband

Question

I met a man who had 2 kids and a girlfriend … For this reason, we could not commit to each other, so we decided to keep our relationship sexual … but I fell in love. I broke up with him and met my now-husband, who is perfect in every way except in bed. I feel we cannot connect. Only one man can fulfil me, and I want to meet with him again. I love my husband, but I need this satisfaction.

This may sound stupid, but I have heard that a man can feel when his “territory” had been entered by another. I don’t think this is true, but I want to be really careful and cover all my bases. Is it true?

I am going to sleep with my ex in a few nights … How do I ensure that my husband does not feel that my vagina is different when he enters me? Do I have to wait a certain period before I sleep with my husband again?

Answer

Expert: Elise

Wowzers.

Well. The vagina wall is made to expand when penetrated, so unless you get a brutal beating – it should go back to place as normal within an hour. lol.

All that aside … A man CAN tell when something is off. If you are going to do this, know no matter how good of an actor you are, it will show you’ve been up to something.

Have a story that explains this elevated mood. Either you ran into an old friend from school and caught up with her, and it was great, or you’re going to try something new and you loved it. You can also use that energy to act angry or upset. But your mood will be elevated or excited and that is where people slip up.

You can’t say “nothing” and have a smile you can’t explain.

With any lie, like, say, you plan to shave a different way or something, just know that setting the stage is more believable than explaining why, after. “Honey, what’s with that lightning bolt?” is much worse than “Hey, honey, I’m going to shave a lightning bolt to be crazy!”

You know what I mean. Whatever you can explain before he asks (without over explaining anything) is good stuff. On that same note don’t explain anything more than your normal level of communication.

Beyond that, take a shower … try just water, really throughly – you don’t want to smell fresh out of the shower any more than cologne. And just pull your hair back.

The more careful you are about the details the better off you are. Also, keep his name in your phone under a female’s OR under a utility that you never call (laundrymat) … Delete all your records – that is the first place he will look.

All that aside, it is still a ticking time bomb. If you’re married, this man is supposed to be your “forever” … if you’ve got to cheat now, either try and get over it quick … or really consider letting him out of his misery.

Even if he never has anything to go on, he will eventually sense something, and begin to go out of his mind. The mental damage this can do to him is something that could mess him up for a very long time.

I know you love him, so when it does turn foul, remember that love, and fight fair. Don’t tell him he’s crazy or smothering or anything hurtful like that when you’re the one doing this. I’m not saying, don’t do it – we all have things we need to do – just please think hard about what damage this can do to him – not just your relationship.

Aside from that, consider an open relationship 🙂 … I LOVE open relationships, and if done right, they really do fix a lot of problems couples have.