Consensual incest issues: Personal experiences and views (case examples)

[This entry was initially posted to the original Red Keyhole blog on 9 December 2010.]

The following personal narratives have been excerpted from a discussion of personal experiences with incest posted to an online “Human Sexuality Forum” in 2007. They provide insight on some of the dynamics of incestuous attraction and how this can develop. They also invoke the issue of effective consent vs. age-of-consent, with adolescents engaging in clearly consensual sexual relationships with close family members. Some of the intense emotional issues involved in incestuous relationships are also revealed.

The original postings have been slightly edited for readability, but original language and dialect have been retained as much as possible. Identifying information has been edited to ensure confidentiality. This material is being posted for educational purposes.

[Jon – Greenville, NC, USA]

Not all people that have participated in incest did it through rape/molestation. Some people did it because they wanted it.

[Dan – Seattle, WA, USA]

I think it also happens more frequently than we know between brothers and sisters, two or more brothers, and even sisters, I would think. If it is 100% consensual and preferably if both are adults, and no pregnancy results, is there really anything wrong with it?

[Adam – Britt, Canada]

I think incest is great – like, if a horny 14-year-old boy is hot for his mother, and she finds out and feels similar, why is it wrong for them to have sex, as long as they use protection and can keep it a secret …

Seriously, it is wrong to get in the way of two consensual individuals who, as long as they use protection, are not harming anyone?

And for the prudes that say, “Oh my god, that’s pedophilia”, what do you think is better:

1. dangerous sex with strangers and get [to] ruin your life with STDs, unwanted kids, no protection…
or…
2. a safe, loving sex experience with someone who knows what they are doing and [is] in a relationship of mutual love and respect that can only grow as a result??

95% of boys have not [had a] negative reaction to incest.

Personally, every case of consensual mother-son incest I have seen has been described as positive, and the best most fulfilling sexual experience they have ever had.

Afterwards, both parties go on to lead normal relationships while still occasionally engaging in warm, loving mother-son sex.

This seems the norm in mother-son incest, and is not wrong in the least bit.

I have never engaged in incest because the conditions are not right, but if I was, say, an only child with a single mother, I sure would love to have that great relationship that very few people are lucky enough to experience.

[Lee – Tucson, AZ, USA]

It depends on what you mean by incest. Do you mean sex between consenting adults who are related, or do you mean the sexual abuse of a child by his or her parents or other relatives?

I don’t know how common it is, but I suspect that it is very well hidden where it does exist. If two people within a family decide that they want to get it on, but they never tell anyone about it, then trying to figure out how often that sort of thing happens is impossible.

Abusive incest is easier to quantify since some of the victims are strong and brave enough to speak out and find refuge from their abuser.

[Alena – Iowa City, IA, USA]

Incest is generally considered consensual between family members. Molestation would be non-consensual [but only covers anything that is not penetration, that is considered rape].

[Jody – New York, NY, USA]

Jon wrote:

Not all people that have participated in incest did it through rape/molestation. Some people did it because they wanted it.

Can somebody explain to me how brother and sister consensual incest happens? What prompts this brother and sister behavior? She is 22 yrs old and he is 32 yrs old and they have a habit of sharing the same bed together. I found that to be creepy, so I broke up with him because I felt his relationship with his sister was a little too close. I felt they were in love. Please help me with this?????

[Kotter – Virginia Beach, VA, USA]

Jody wrote:

can somebody please reply to me?? And tell me why this happens?? Consensual incest between siblings?

Well, I can only give personal experience how it possibly can get started, although I did not have intercourse with my sister. When we were kids, age 9 and 10, me 10, it was my sister (for whatever reason) [who] started coming to my bedroom and wanting to “Funk” (that is the word she used). We just rubbed our genitals together with our clothes on. I got no feelings from that, but I guess she did. During the period after that, I learned that she was highly sexed, for whatever reason. I did masturbate a lot when I was that age, but I had no more physical contact with my sister after that. I guess if I had feelings for her (sexually), it could have continued. Kids play doctor, out of curiosity, anyway, and brother and sister are more likely candidates than with a friend. Hope that helps.


Consensual incest between siblings may start in early adolescence or even childhood, and persist into early or mature adulthood.

[C – New Delhi, India]

Sometimes if mother and son both agree to have and enjoy sex, there is no harm in it. Both can enjoy sex safely and secretively … because, often it has been mentioned that the most extreme form of incest-taboo sex is [the] mom-son one, and gives the best pleasure … and it also happens in reality, not just in porno stories.

[Truthy - UK]

Actually, consensual incest is very very common and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I met my brother for the first time two years ago (I was 32 and he was 33) and we fell in love. What is so wrong with us being together? We’re hurting nobody and certainly aren’t of “bad character”. Most of society are ill-informed and judgemental, hence the reason people like us have to live a lie.

[Dan – Pikeville, KY, USA]

To Jody,

How does it happen? Basically …(1) Bro finds sis attractive, (2) Sis finds bro attractive, (3) Each realizes that the attraction is mutual, and (4) They realize that, being adults (with money, their own residences, etc), they can easily arrange to go to bed together without being caught. The allure of “forbidden fruit” probably has a lot to do with it too. I’m not meaning to sound facetious, but if you’re talking about consensual incest between adults, that’s really the answer – the two people simply decided that “the rules” didn’t apply to them, or were out of date, etc.

[Rani – New Delhi, India]

[Another] wrote:

Occasional mother-son incest is refreshing and mutually satisfying. But this should not interfere with the normal marriage life and family relations of the two parties. I have long-standing personal experience and hence this opinion.

I agree with [this] … I also want to make love to my mother. I know she will agree because she has hinted many times that I am unmarried [so] why not enjoy [it] if [there is] no girlfriend? And many times she enters my room in the night pretending she is looking for something. …

[Gulman – Lahore, Pakistan]

There could be many reasons for incest relations … but one most probable one is that, while going through various stages of sex relations, people desire … say, beauty, shapes, strength, etc., but the fantasies do not stop … and sometimes desire to establish sex in [a] family drives someone so crazy that he/she makes it. The opportunities also help in [making] such fantasies [come] true.

[Kamran – Dubai, UAE]

I do have personal experience, since I started to suck and lick my sister’s breasts, and then we both satisfied each other … [For a] long time she satisfies me in all ways … We still do, in spite [of the fact that] we both are married and have children … It’s difficult for me to stay away from my sister.

[Nancy – Jersey City, NJ, USA]

Most times I would say accessibility plays a huge role in it. I was not allowed to date until I was 16. By that time I had been having sex for 3 years with 2 of my brothers.

The forbidden fruit aspect is a huge thing too! We knew it was wrong but it made it feel better.

As kids we were very curious of what sex was and it just sort of happened. It progressed from oral sex to threesomes in a matter of 3 or 4 years.

We had a sexual relationship right up until I got married.

I don’t regret any of it, but I wouldn’t advocate it for everybody.

[Tricia – Lawrenceville, GA, USA]

Nancy wrote:

Most times I would say accessibility plays a huge role in it. I was not allowed to date until I was 16. By that time I had been having sex for 3 years with 2 of my brothers.
The forbidden fruit aspect is a huge thing too! We knew it was wrong but it made it feel better.
As kids we were very curious of what sex was and it just sort of happened. It progressed from oral sex to threesomes in a matter of 3 or 4 years.
We had a sexual relationship right up until I got married.
I don’t regret any of it, but I wouldn’t advocate it for everybody.

When things are taboo, it makes them so much more compelling for so many people … it’s amazing. JUST the taboo-ness of something is a turn-on for so many …

[Ramu – Pondicherry, India]

This is true – that incestuous relations happen in our society. There are so many reasons, [such] as the socio-economical [conditions] and the degree of sexuality. Initially it was between bro and sis, but now between mom and son is also emerging. Some cases between father and daughter are noticed. Although it starts with some forced conditions, but later it has been observed that enjoyment gets the chance and hence the relation continues.

[I – Dublin, Ireland]

Incest is more common then we think – most brothers and sisters experiment even if not indulging in intercourse. Mom-son sex was the norm in old Japan, and may still be [at a] high rate over there. Father-daughter sex was seen as a right in parts of Africa up to the 1950′s. In the Untouchable class in India, it has a high rate due to [the] limited choice of partners outside of one’s immediate circle. In modern times, with so many fatherless children and fathers having many kids with unknown mothers, it will happen more often then we would like, as people won’t know that they are kin.

[Hunner – Stafford, VA, USA]

Incest between siblings is the most common. My sister and I are adults and have had sexual relations from time to time, always by mutual consent. We know other brother-sister adults who have had sex as well. I would say that statistically, about 8% of adult siblings have had sex with each other or will have sex with each other at some point.

[Shadrack – Gainesville, FL, USA]

… Incest does not happen JUST in the south. It is more widespread than you know. Masters and Johnson’s Human Sexual Response tells of a lot of places where the mother is the first person to have sex with her son. And, while stationed in Thailand, I never found nor heard of a virgin, because the father deflowered the daughter by the time she was 10 or 11 years old.

[Yada – Vero Beach, FL, USA]

[Responding to an assertion that "here in the U.S., statistically speaking, incest is considerably more common among Black families than Whites..."]

Wrong.

The statistics vary by location. In parts of the US with clannish people, like the Appalachians, midwest farming belt, Idaho panhandle and many places out in the boonies, you find a significant amount of incest. Not by [Native] American people, but by identified Caucasian people. But then again they number the most in the populations of those areas compared to [Native] Americans.

In [the] Northern UK, where you have coal mining and farming, you see a lot of incest. But the people involved see nothing wrong with it, and so do not report it that often. You find out incidentally or later in a woman’s life that she was used in an incestuous fashion.

[Chaser – Los Angeles, CA, USA]

From ages 7, 8 or 9 and again 14 through 18, I had [a] very torrid, flaming-hot, every-hole sex relationship with my mother. She divorced and told me “Son, your father will not be coming home.” But she wore a skimpy sheer see-through yellow nightie [so] that I could see all her thick hair, pubic hair, without a problem. We had sex together for a long time and even after I married, [I] visited her on Fridays for coffee and sex. I feel it’s not the best thing to do, but I will not forget shooting my wad into my very own Mom’s mouth at the drive-in movie – it is the most intense sexual experience. But to this day, many years later, I am still addicted to [an] extremely hairy pubic area, and [the] shaven look is really a total bore. I’m okay, and we had a good relationship after that…

[Shadrack – Gainesville, FL, USA]

My first sexual encounter was with a cousin, and she was about 12 years old and I was about 7. She enticed me to finger her and showed me where and what to rub. Later on, we progressed to having oral and conventional sex, and I also did it with other female cousins, at THEIR request … One of them has since passed away, but gave me fabulous blow jobs, even AFTER we had both married and had children … I have also had sex with her sister, but she is not quite as good in the sack as her sister was …. She is a religious nut, but still fair in bed ….

[B – Wallingford, CT, USA]

As a 50+ year-old married male adult, I do not advocate or recommend incest to anyone! Incest can be traumatic for most human beings, so it’s better to avoid it.

I personally had a positive experience of incest relationship with my mother. When I was a teenager, I had sex a couple of times with her. Probably the conditions: father had to go to another country to earn a better living. Though my mother was faithful, she as a normal human being had sexual needs. I was an only son, and we had only one bed to share. I touched her when she was asleep, but we had sex after she woke up to my fondling. She always said it was wrong, but in the passion she participated fully: oral sex,intercourse, etc.

It stopped after reunion with [my] father, in a new country, but the temptation has always being there. Mostly from me, she probably put it in her subconscious, and let go.


Consensual incest between mother and son can be especially rewarding — the mom’s sexual needs can be fulfilled by a younger companion, while she can teach her son more sophisticated erotic techniques.

[B – Wallingford, CT, USA]

[Responding to assertion that incest "is just wrong"]

… It’s understandable how you feel about incest. It is still a forbidden taboo, and all of society will feel repulsed by it. But, for people who have experienced it, [it] has been (depending on the circumstances) a negative or a positive experience.

But, unfortunately for most who have a negative experience, [these are] mostly father-daughter (statistically the father forces himself on his daughter), and in many cases the older brother abuses his younger sister.

And these incidents happen more often than reported. In some unusual instances, there have been reports where the daughter initiates the incest, by seducing her own father as to compete for attention with the mother. The most extreme and rare form of incest is mother and son, and in most cases, the mother is too possessive, or slightly deranged. And in many cases the son initiates the incest by discovering his sexuality with the closest female he lives with: his mother, or sister, cousin, or both.

[Paul – Oakland, CA, USA]

I am intrigued with this format. I am a 42-year-old male, who was raised in many different households, one of them started at the age of 12, and living and sharing a room with a step-brother. We soon became attached at the hip, so to speak, we fought like brothers, argued and had all the normal boy-to-boy relationship ups and downs, but when it was time for bed, we were very much in love, we would sneak in to each other’s beds, and play for hours before finally falling asleep.

We did this until we were almost 20. We moved apart, and it about killed my brother. We would talk on the phone, and he would tell me how much he missed me, he would cry horribly, and no one knew why, but us.

Soon after, he was killed in an auto accident. I was told by my mother to get over it, he was not [my] real brother, and it was dropped like a hot potato, for the rest of them.

Not for me. I have lived with terrible grief for the past 20 years, I miss and think of him daily. It was in his arms late at night that I felt the most safeness I had ever felt.

I am an openly gay male, and have only told this story a few times, and people just give you the sickest stare. I will never let him go out of my heart, and feel no regret or remorse over what happened, and can only pray that someday, I feel fulfilled as much as I did when he was alive … First time ever to put this on paper.



8 comments ↓

  • #   load4u2nite39 on 02.14.13 at 20:07     Reply

    It most certainly can happen. When my step-father passed away, my mother and I became involved sexually, and has continued for some time. During the first 6 years of our relationship we lived as a couple under the guise of son living with his mother.
    Although we live apart and I am married, and she has remarried, we find ourselves drawn to each other like a moth to the flame. We know what we are doing is wrong as far as cheating goes (we see nothing negative about our relationship), being together just feels right. Not only are we mother and son, but we are lovers, and best friends too! I’m afraid no other woman will ever measure up to my mother.
    My mother has admitted as much to me as well. I am amazed at how well we have kept our forbidden love secret so long, I can’t help but, wonder if we were truely meant to be.


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